Ahhhh.... September... as hot as the summer was, the cool 40s are here right on time. Love it! I think this must be the most delicious time of year. Certainly life is delicious these days overall, but this kind of night is one of my favorite characteristics that make the Appalachians wonderful. The sun is getting lower, and the sunsets and sunrises this last week have been absolutely glorious. Other changes are beginning to take place in the environment - leaves are changing, rain has finally fallen in a healthy dose, critters seem to be active in their preparation for winter (as if there's anything for them to eat). I have always loved the Autumn.

I decided to blog tonight because I thought it would be a good way to process the events of the past couple of weeks. It's been a tornado of crazy, anxious, unsettled energy. By unsettled, I mean I have been able to get grounded and enjoy myself at times during the weeks, but something else presents itself and seems to destabilize my groundedness! I'm exhausted, but realizing I need to try to reorganize. So, here goes....

F*^$^ed up crazy stuff at work. Required to continue to work and pretend I don't know anything (which, I don't really). The mask goes on. I'm sad, anxious, afraid... but gotta do my job. That's all good... I love my job.

Mom's sick, J's having a baby, H sprains her ankle, U. J. dies, A informs me she's excluding me from her wedding party, "immediate jeopardy", Birthday Picnic, meet the parents, sleepovers, dead at work, swim in the river, lunch meeting, birthday cake, birthday ice cream, new hair, money tree, Nelly beans, mmmm mmmm, birthday dinner, tenderloin, mmmm mmmm again, construction, closet doors, new rug, moved furniture, shoe storage, increased intensity, decreased numbers, crazy-cleansing-energizing rain, the mask, amazing clouds, pretty birds, mmmm mmmm, memorial service, say goodbye, grief, fleece and sweatpants (not necessarily in that order).

Whew.... feel better now... thanks for enduring that!

I finally discovered yesterday that I was grieving, and it was important I let that process take place. It feels good to finally give myself permission to do that...

On the other hand, so much of the tornado was incredibly enjoyable and grounded and celebratory. I am so blessed to have some really wonderful and good things and people to distract myself with. Somehow what we need always finds us.